The One Year Bible: Written By A Kid

 

If the Bible had been written by my teenager, it might sound something like the book of Numbers.

One of the things that's hard to swallow is God's anger.  He just seems so mad about everything in the Old Testament, especially throughout this week's readings in the book of Numbers. And his right hand Moses strikes me as pretty cranky too.  Is God really that angry?  Are we sinners dangling in the hands of an impatient, irritated Deity who only cares about how closely we follow his many rules?

The answer is yes and no. But mostly no.  I say that from a heart of parent who loves his children with his whole life. I could not imagine living without them, and if I have erred it is because I've been too lenient and not too strict. But that's not the way my child sees it.  When my tone is firm, but loving and reasonable, he hears yelling.  When I express concern or dismay he feels wrath.  It's hard for my child to see they that they are loved beyond measure when all they see is the limits on their freedom and the onerous and seemingly unreasonable demands of adults that just don't get it.  And while this is especially true of rebellious teens, it's also true of younger kids who really do want to make their parents happy.  Even the little ones can misinterpret the boundaries set, the reprimands we deliver as coming from  a negative place.  And if they were tasked with trying to come up with a way to describe what they are experiencing, it might be true to their limited, child's perspective but it would not accurately reflect my heart towards my children.

Of course, God is perfect and I am not.  I really am a bad parent sometimes.  God never is.  He is, as the song says, "a good, good Father."  But I think that perfection actually makes it more likely that we will misread and misunderstand Him.  Because we cannot grasp the depth of His love, mercy, and what that looks like in anger, we make Him like us.  The author of the books of Moses did His best to describe the God he knew, but I believe he was writing from a child's perspective.  He saw a God striking people down left and right. He could not understand that this was a God who would give His own life for His kids.

Highlights from Leviticus 27 and Numbers 1-6, 10-18

• The 12 Spies Check Out Canaan, Ten are Scared, Two Say Go For It
• 40 Years of Detention (The People Punished for Refusing to Enter the Promised Land)
• Korah, Dathan, and Abiram Attempt a Coup

Fun Facts

• Did you know that each firstborn son in Israel had a specific redeemer? In Numbers 3, we are told that every firstborn son was to be given to the Lord.  But instead of a family actually giving up their child, the tribe of Levi would stand in the place of Israel's firstborn, living a life of dedicated service to the Lord on their behalf.  But here's the interesting thing: This wasn't a general redemption--this was person to person.  Each firstborn had specific Levite that was taking their place in the Lord's service.  Well, almost all the firstborn.  The Levites were actually 273 short of covering all the firstborn, and so those who didn't have a Levite substitute assigned to them paid for their redemption in silver--five pieces to be exact.

• Perhaps you knew that someone who took a Nazarite vow couldn't drink alcohol?  But did you also know they couldn't eat raisins? Yep, in addition to not cutting their hair and not drinking alcohol, those who took the vow of a Nazarene could not drink fresh, unfermented, Adventist-approved grape juice, eat grapes, raisins or any other product of the grapevine.  I always thought that the Nazarite vow eschewed alcohol because it was "bad."  Apparently not.

• Did you know that some Israelites tried to attack Canaan on their own after God said they'd missed their chance?  They got their butts handed to them, naturally. Sometimes the children of Israel really do behave like children. The complaining.  The failure to follow instructions.  The tearful repentance followed by insisting on doing things their own way yet again.

• Do you know what happened to On son of Peleth?  Me neither! He was a fourth conspirator in the Hebrew version of the January 6 riot. He along with Korah, Dathan, and Abiram plotted to overthrow Moses.  The drama in Numbers 16 is compelling with insurgents hurling accusations at Moses and Moses angrily responding.  What's odd though is that after first being listed as one of the conspirators, On is never mentioned again.  When the KDA (Korah, Dathan, and Abiram) Crew get swallowed up in a supernatural earthquake, when fire and pestilence break forth in the camp, On is off the radar (pun intended).  Maybe he thought better of their harebrained scheme and opted to stay in his tent while the others marched on Moses. Here's an interesting extra-Biblical take on what might have happened to On.  The KDA rebellion was probably the most serious threat to Moses' leadership during the entire exodus.  It's serious business and let me tell you everyone from Moses to the rebels to the people to God Himself is in a foul mood.  

What Stood Out to Me

Mariam Complains about Zipporah.  

I have really come away less than impressed with the family of Moses.  Cranky Mo, bumbling Ay-Ay Ron, and now Miriam the Critic.  I always believed that Miriam talked smack about Moses' wife Zipporah because she was Black (she was a "Cushite").  But I think this was less about racism and more about the fact that she (and Aaron--who amazingly, once again avoided punishment, while his family took the heat) felt that they were the equal of Moses--and look, he's not so holy anyway!  See, he married a foreigner!

What About the Men?  

The patriarchy is strong in the book of Numbers, as we will continue to see in next week's reading.  This week's awful nod to male dominance is found in Numbers 5, where there is a rather strange ritual where if a husband gets jealous of his wife and feels she has been stepping out on him, he can take her to the priest.  She'll be required to drink this awful concoction of holy water and dust from the tabernacle floor!  After drinking this nastiness, if she is guilty of infidelity she will be unable to bear children and her abdomen will swell.  If she is able to get pregnant then that means she was innocent.  There is no punishment for the husband for falsely accusing his wife of infidelity.  And there is not similar recourse for a woman who is jealous of her husband and feels he may be cheating.  I guess she's supposed to just suck it up and be a good little wifey if she feels her husband is being unfaithful.  It's barbaric, frankly.