Too Fast

The other night I was struck suddenly by that feeling that parents often talk about:  They're growing up so fast!

Every night for quite some time we go through the same struggle in our house.  We put the boys to bed and they won't go to sleep, especially Ezra.  He comes out of his room time and time again, wants the light on so he can color or play in his room, needs a drink of water, complains that he's "scared", wants me to come and rub his back again and again, and repeatedly asks when I'm going to come to "check on" him.  Elijah is a morning person, and like his mother, will typically just drop off to sleep no matter what after eight in the evening.  But Ezra, like me is a night owl, and it's hard for him to go to sleep (just as it's hard for him to get up in the morning).  The constant harassment drives me crazy!  After a long, stimulating day all I want is to sit down and be still and not go to bed too late.  My youngest son has seemed determined to prevent these things from happening.

But the other night, I was rubbing his back for the umpteenth time, and it hit me--they are growing up so fast.  And I wanted to slow time, just a little bit.  I wanted to savor the age and stage they are right now before it passes.  In too short a time, it will be me pushing the boys to spend time with me and not the other way around.  And not just that. . .they simply won't be like they are right now.  They'll be different as they grow and mature.  If I want to fully appreciate the boys as they are, I have to do it now, because what they are right now won't last.

Right then, I decided, as busy and tired as I am, I would stop fighting with Ezra about his not staying in his room and going to sleep.  I decided I will commit fully to rubbing his back rather than giving him two minutes of distracted pats while I try to read a magazine or browse my phone before rushing away to evening chores. 

Since then something remarkable has happened.  I've found that ten to fifteen minutes of complete and total focus on him at bedtime, settles him right down.  After that unrushed time passes, I'm able to quietly tell him I'm going to go out now and he's fine--even if he's still not sleepy.  There's no continuing harassment after that.  I realize now that my rush to get him to stay in bed and "stop  bothering me" just made him  more unsettled and anxious.  Once I gave him my full, unrushed attention, he was at peace.

I got to have my cake and eat it too.  I have special time with Ezra every night where I can fully appreciate him as he is right now at this precious, quickly evaporating age, and I no longer have to deal with constant harassment and interruptions as I'm winding down my own day.