The 17th Annual Inspirations List: 2023

When I look at this year's heroes, I see one common thread running through.  They all convey this kind of steadiness.  Granted, in many cases that calm may be like that of a duck on a still lake--gliding along apparently effortlessly--all the while their legs are churning like mad under the surface.  If you were to ask them how they stay so cool, so chill, so even-keeled they'd probably be amused. "You have no idea," they'd chuckle.  So I guess it's really more about how they make the people around them feel.  Peaceful. Loved. Listened to. Cared for. Somehow they've alchemized whatever challenges they've faced into grace, compassion, and reliability to those whose lives they touch.

This year's heroes are four men and three women.  They are three pastors, one nurse, one lawyer, one retired administrator, and one student.  One of my heroes, I have never met before--she's accomplished much on the world stage.  One I've known my whole life.  Interestingly enough two of the people are related on this list--they are aunt and niece (And the mother of the niece has made this list in years past. I find heroism does tend to run in families).  Sadly, if  I had posted this entry just a week earlier, one of the men on the list would have been able to read his tribute.  But at least he knew he was an inspiration already. This was his second nomination, having appeared on the 2019 list  as well.  You can click on his name in the list below to read how he inspired me then.

Here they are my heroes and inspirations for the year 2023:

Keith Goodman & Ndubuisi Nwade

Leah Cox

Shawn Monk

Primah Kwagala

Roland Thomson

Sam Ulett

Ndubuisi Nwade & Keith Goodman

I'm inspired by their graceful & grace-filled courage

Love is not the easy thing.  It's funny how often we say we "just" need to love people.  The dynamic duo of Pastor Goodman, currently senior pastor at Ephesus SDA Church in Columbus, Ohio and Pastor Nwade, associate pastor at Ephesus, understand that inspiring a church to be motivated by love and grace is anything but easy.  It takes intentionality, it takes wisdom, it takes compassion and humility. And most of all it takes courage. Both pastors have demonstrated those traits as they launched an ambitious effort to help our church fully realize it's goal of becoming a graceful and grace-filled place where everyone feels like they belong.  I'm honored to work as an elder alongside them in this goal. These days I've got a lot of conflicted feelings about the way we've traditionally done church and the burdens we place on men and women when we give them the title and authority of pastor.  But I have to say, if there's a right way to work within this system Pastor Goodman and Pastor Nwade have figured it out.

Leah Cox

I'm inspired by her quiet leadership

Leading middle-schoolers is a bit like herding cats.  It's not for the faint of heart.  And I imagine it's doubly hard when you are their peer.  Yet Leah managed to pull off this feat with impressive grace, a cool head, and a wry sense of humor. As president of her 8th grade class, Leah managed to coordinate the daily snack cart sales, work with the officers, and even launched a brand new fundraiser for the class--the annual school hoodie sale--that will help support 8th grade classes for years to come. She also lobbied the school board to purchase new lockers for the middle school.  She did all this while maintaining top grades and positive relationships with all of her classmates.  Never mind, 8th grade, I think we might have been better off if Leah had been leading the entire country these past few years! 

Shawn Monk

I'm inspired by her authentic compassion

There is strength in tenderness and power in love. Compassion has an impact for more powerful than we imagine.  Shawn seems to intuitively understand these truths.  Her heart is tuned to those who struggle, those in need, those who are hurting. Reaching out with kind words, a heartfelt prayer, and helping hand just seem to come naturally to her. Over the years, I've watched her reach out time and again with care and compassion. My family and I have been the recipients of her care--whether offering a place to stay when we were waiting to move into our new home or watching our kids when emergencies arose, or simply offering a caring word or prayer.  Shawn doesn't reach out because she's "supposed to" or because she wants to "look good" to others.  Shawn's love is authentic.  She loves because that's who she is.  

Primah Kwagala

I'm inspired by her clear-eyed advocacy

She was one ray of hope in an otherwise sad story. I first came upon Ms Kwagala's remarkable work as a human rights lawyer and the founder of the Women's Probono Initiative while watching a documentary on the disgraced missionary and aid worker Renee Bach.  It seemed like the key players on both sides of the story were stained by ignorance and self-congratulatory hubris.  And then Primah Kwagala arrived on the scene.  She's no nonsense, sharp, humble, and compassionate. She's not about to become a tool in anyone else's machinations. Most important of all, she prioritizes the truth and the welfare of the women and girls she represents.  The documentary Savior Complex is a sobering look at what happens when do-gooders overreach. Primah Kwagala is a reminder that good actually can be done in the world.

Roland Thomson

I'm inspired by his gentle wisdom

Uncle Roland always has the best stories.  My mom's brother seems to have an endless treasure trove of funny anecdotes from his youth, unusual people he's met, and fascinating adventures he's been on.  Not to mention an amusing penchant for "dad jokes." But what really inspires me about Uncle Roland is his wise insight and Godly counsel.  He has a remarkable calm about him then tends to calm you down when you're worked up.  And he has a kindness and compassion that makes you feel really listened to and understood. Even when a crippling injury left him in the worst pain of his life and bedridden for weeks earlier this year, he still managed to come out of that experience with powerful insights that I found encouraging in my own journey.  Whatever the situation, you can count on Uncle Roland as a calming, steady, presence.  And as a bonus he'll probably have a good story too!

Sam Ulett

I'm inspired by his positive outlook

He was the first person I wanted to call.  Grief is strange like that--that often the first person you want to tell, the one you know would get it, is the very person who is gone.  I know I would have found in him joy through tears, hope through the pain.  Pastor Ulett went through a lot, and he struggled like anyone would.  But through it all, I've been inspired by his hopeful outlook and positivity.  He never minimized pain or trivialized suffering.  He wasn't one for cheap platitudes or easy answers.  His hope was hard-earned and as real as the pain he endured.  Check out this short reflection he shared on Facebook the summer before last, and you'll see what I mean.  Just like Jacob, Pastor Ulett, wrestled with God. And like, Jacob, he prevailed. 

 I miss Pastor Ulett's joyful laugh, his easy smile, his enthusiasm for the things of God.  All these things are gone now. But the hope and encouragement he passed on remains, and will live in the hearts of those of us who know him and love him. For Pastor Sam Ulett the Future was--and still is--bright.

A Kid by Any Other Name

 "What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.”

                                           --William Shakespeare, "Romeo & Juliet"

Famed musicians David Evans and Paul Hewson

For quite some time I’ve been baffled by the strong responses we sometimes get from people when they learn that our oldest son has changed his name.  Where I would expect to get a shrug and an “Okay”, I get questions that strike me as “none-of-their-business”:  “Why?”  “Is it a nickname?”  “Is that the name of someone in your family?”.   On other occasions I get a strong whiff of disapproval.  People don’t typically say it but there’s a sense of “Who does he think he is? He can’t change his name.”  What I sometimes do hear is even worse and more direct:  A flat refusal to acknowledge the change, a scoffing “No that’s not his name.  His name is **insert birthname here**”  It’s especially hurtful for us and for Kai when those kinds of responses are made in his hearing or directly to his face.  Even little kids--classmates of Kai’s younger brother--seem to feel it is their right and place to speak strongly on what Kai’s name really is.

I suppose I could understand if the name change reflected a different gender or something like that, but there’s nothing about the name Kai that suggests that sort of new self-identification. No, it’s just that he had the temerity to change his name.

I don’t get it.

Or at least I didn’t until recently, when I finally understood that our names are not--in most cases--who we are.  Our names are who other people say we are.  They are not so much about self-identity, as they are about who we are to the group.  When I really began to think about it, I realized that names are almost always given to people by others, and almost never chosen by the person themselves.  This is true for the names given us by our parents, but also for our nicknames, our titles, and even our true spiritual names like the ones that God gave to Abram and Jacob.  And the ones that will be given to us by God one day.  Our names are social constructs.  They are literally labels.  And so it makes sense that there would be an immediate tension, a sense of discomfort when someone decides to break out of that construct and do what no one is allowed to do--choose their own name.  When someone decides to break away from the social order in this way, it feels part and parcel of a general move in our culture towards people taking power away from the group and claiming it for themselves.  This whole “I identify as. . .” thing.  There's a hard reaction to that kind of boldness:.  “You don’t get to decide that, we do!”  Think about it, if a kid starts being called “Pookie” while growing up and it sticks, no one bats an eye.  Because the kid didn’t choose that name.  The group did.  If on the other hand, the kid announces, from now on I want to be called “Pookie” the group would resist it.  The kid is taking on a power that does not belong to him.

"Yeah, but that's different. He converted to Islam so he had a 'legitimate' reason to change his name and people were cool with it". . .Actually they weren't.  There were major newspapers at the time that refused to acknowledge Ali's chosen name and insisted on referring to him as Cassius Clay.  It took time for people to come around.

There’s one interesting exception to this rule though.  It’s artists and entertainers.  This is the one arena where it’s quite common for people to change their own names, and for society to give them a pass. From Jay-Z to Madonna to Prince (and the unpronounceable symbol he had for awhile) to Bono & The Edge to John Wayne and Marilyn Monroe, choosing your own name in the world of the arts is not only accepted, it’s commonplace. I don’t know why it’s different for musicians and movie actors but I think it’s pretty cool.  And I think it might be okay to let us regular people do the same without all the hassle.

Marion Robertson changed both his first and last name.  I guess Marion doesn't quite have the same ring.

I highly doubt my son’s name change is a “phase.”  He seems really happy with Kai, and at some point he will probably make it legal (at which point people will have to call him by the name he’s chosen!).  And Barbara and I, as his parents are okay with it. It’s not like we had any special connection to his birth name--at least in the case of his first name (He kept his middle name). It’s not like he’s named after someone special to us. It was just a name we liked, that’s all.  And even though we didn’t pick Kai, we like it too.

Kai loves to draw and he’s done some acting in his young life, so it helps, think of him as an artist and maybe you’ll feel a bit better.  And for those who just can’t stomach the idea of him choosing his own name, how about this:  His mother and I are calling him Kai.  We’d appreciate you doing the same.

50: What I've Learned

 Ten years ago, when I turned 40, I reflected on blessings I'd experienced in the first four decades of my life (you can read that entry here).  For this milestone birthday, I thought I'd do something different. Esquire magazine has these little interview segments they call "What I've Learned" where a well-known person will provide little snippets of their life experience, beliefs, and values.  I thought the occasion of my fiftieth birthday would be a good time to reflect a little bit on my own life experience, beliefs, and values.  I don't know where I'll be in another ten or twenty years; I can't say for sure that these are set in stone.  But they are where I am fifty years into this journey of life. 

My faith is stronger than it's ever been and my doubts are more numerous.  I hold deeper convictions and fewer dogmatic beliefs.

I've come to believe that everyone lives with pain of one sort or another, and for the vast majority of us that pain is significant.   Life is much harder than our social media posts would lead us to believe.  From that perspective I think I've gotten off pretty easy.

God has given me an amazing life--one that I didn't have the sense to dream for myself.  I'm not the poster child for chasing your dreams and making them a reality.  I think dreams realized can sometimes be not what we thought they'd be.

I have so many really great people in my life. I hear people talk about this or that toxic person they have to deal with, and I can't relate. There's no one I feel I need to excise from my life. 

To experience a true soul connection with someone is rare.  Some people live their whole lives without ever having that.  I don't think having such a connection is necessary to have a meaningful and rich life, but if you have that, it's a nice bonus.

I don't like to say I'm #blessed. I have no judgement against those who do say that. It's just for me it feels kind of callous. I prefer to say I'm lucky, even though it sounds less spiritual. I think what I really am is grateful.  That's better than blessed or lucky.

I used to think it would be great to be rich and famous. Then I decided that maybe I didn't want fame, but being rich would be great.  Now I don't know that being rich matters all that much either.  Being rich can't keep you from getting seasick, can't cure cancer, can't stop you from being in a car wreck, can't prevent you from getting older, can't protect you from losing the ones you love, can't make you have a happy marriage or be a good parent. I don't think that being rich is bad. I think it just is, with it's own unique set of advantages and disadvantages. Fame on the other hand? I don't see much upside to that at all.  

As rewarding as my career as a teacher has been, I'm never been one to wake up excited to go to work. I wouldn't do it for free. It's a good thing I have to work, because if I didn't, I probably wouldn't and I'd be the poorer for it. 

The constraints life places on us can sometimes be a blessing.  God knows what He's doing.

Everybody needs some time on their own. Everybody needs some time all alone.  Especially when you have kids.

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm not cool.  Cool is not something you can choose to be. You either are or aren't.  I've known a few cool people, and the ones of I'm thinking of are so humble and down to earth. And that part--being humble and down to earth-anyone can choose to be, cool or not.  I don't think cool really matters much in the scheme of things. I think cool people would agree with me on that.

I've never been particularly interested in the education profession. I'm also not a "kid person."  I don't spot a group of kids or teenagers and think, "Oh, let me go hang out with them."  But since my very first class I've loved my students with my whole heart. I give them the very best that I can and am always looking to improve. But it doesn't come from a passion for teaching or a passion for kids, it comes from a passion for teaching my kids.  I think my students know that.

I believe that the most important thing in life--maybe the only important thing in life--is to treat other people well and leave our corner of the world a little better for our having been there.

I've never been very spiritual. I'm more religious.  But I think maybe those two are reversing as I get older. I think if God is truly as great, good, powerful, and glorious as we believe Him to be then we all are pretty much wrong in our understanding of Him (and no the Bible doesn't help as much with that as we'd like to think). If God is truly beyond our understanding, then by definition, we don't understand Him.  Jesus came, in part so that we could understand God in a way that makes sense to us.

Theological Truth is not without value, but it's never more important than love.  Truth at it's best amplifies love. Love tied to bad theology can cause real hurt.  But I don't believe a loving God punishes us for not knowing the right facts. 

Grief has taught me not to stress too much about life--especially about living up to the demands and expectations of others.  I've always been a people pleaser, but I'm less of one now.  I used to worry about if so and so is "mad at me".  Now I'm just like "Oh, well."  Losing someone you care about makes you realize that much of what you thought was so important wasn't. It's also made me more determined to identify the people that matter to me and be intentional about maintaining connections with them.

I don't worry about being masculine enough. I've spent my entire professional life surrounded by women--as colleagues, as superiors, as friends and it's never bothered me.  I think fears about being "manly" or "man enough" are signs of insecurity and not really being at peace with oneself.  I'm insecure about some things, but this is not one of them.

With few exceptions, people can't be "set straight."  That's why I don't put much stock in "telling it like it is." It doesn't work, it just makes you feel better.  It's not that people can't change.  They can, but it's rare and when it happens it's because they decided to, not because you set them straight.

The exceptions are kids.  As parents and teachers we have them for a narrow window of time when they are teachable and we have to use it. When that window closes, that's it.  The other exceptions are adults who are seeking change.

Most people won't change their belief system unless is stops working for them.  As long as it "works" no amount proselytizing is going to move them.

I have found that life is easier when you accept people as they are. Appreciate what they are able to give you in relationship. And accept that what they can't give, you'll have to find elsewhere.  

I am a romantic at heart and an emotional person. I've learned to hide it well, but the music, books, and movies I like are the tell.

I can't think of anyone offhand that I hate or that I'm currently mad at.  There are things that trigger me. There's a hymn I don't like because of who I associate it with, a car that I don't like because of who used to drive it. But I don't carry around bad feelings about people.

That said, I'm really on the fence about human nature.  Are people basically good or basically awful?  I tend to assume the best of people I don't know, not the worst. Yet human beings are capable of such savagery. I know as a Christian we are supposed to say that "we are all sinners" and thus we are all the same. But it really does seem to me that there are some people that are really worse than others. I haven't resolved this conundrum yet.  Maybe by the time I'm 60, I'll more wisdom on this?

Most things we think of as strengths can also be weaknesses.  And vice versa. It's all about channeling those characteristics and knowing when and how to apply them.  I hate confrontation and by nature I want people to get along and I want them to like me.  This can be a liability as often as it's an asset.

If you want to move people to action quickly, fear is an excellent tool.  Media executives, politicians, and pastors know this. Unfortunately, it's not great for bringing about lasting change. But if you need to get numbers on the board quickly or keep eyeballs glued to your screen fear is the way to go.

I don't think hate is the problem. I'm talking about the  -sims: racism, sexism, etc not hate that comes from being hurt or wronged.  Greed, selfishness, pride, cruelty, and the need to control other people for our own benefit are the problem. Hate comes about in the oppressor when the oppressed won't stay in their lane and accept their oppression. 

I hit the jackpot with Barbara. I'm grateful every day for her. It's not that we don't have problems. We do. Significant ones that have been present since the start of our relationship and still haven't really been resolved.  We're not talking about which way the toilet paper goes. But they are manageable, and when I look at what other people have to go through, all I can say is that I really lucked out.

I don't think anyone should have a goal of getting married.  If you meet someone you want to share the rest of your life with, by all means, get married. But otherwise, it's better to be single than married and miserable. No one can make you happy but they sure can make you unhappy.

We all (well most of us, I'm guessing) feel at one time or another like failed parents.  There are so many things I would do differently if I could go back to the start. But I have to remind myself that I have two children that I've raised more or less the same way.  Any issues (or strengths) that don't appear in both children are likely due to their personalities and not to my parenting.  When the same problem pops up with both kids--well, that's probably on me.

One of the worst things you can do as a parent is try to make your children happy. It's an impossible task and the more you try the more miserable they will be. And in the process you teach your kids that happiness comes from outside of themselves.  Especially with food.  Don't ask your kids what they want to eat.  Let them be hungry if they don't want what's being made. They won't starve, I promise. I'm not saying this because I did this but because I didn't and we're still reaping the consequences.

One of my greatest fears is that I've messed up my kids. I think about Eli and David in the Bible a lot.

I'm not as humble, kind, or unselfish as I would like to be and as I hope I appear.

I feel like I'm right probably  90% of the time.  I don't feel like I have to be right. I just feel like I am.  

A few weeks back I was out for a run and noticed that almost everyone in the neighborhood had put out their recycle bins even though this wasn't the week when recycling was picked up. I knew they were wrong.  I knew it and was smug in my knowledge. I figured they were sheep.  Someone got the week wrong and put their bin out, a neighbor saw it and put their bin out and others followed suit and soon the whole neighborhood had done it.  But not me. I knew the schedule.    Turns out everyone else was right and I was wrong--they picked up the recycling.  Thankfully, when I got home, I put my bin out too, but only because ours was totally full and I couldn't afford to be wrong. I learned a lot from that.  

I'm a good writer. Maybe not great. But pretty good. I'm an excellent storyteller.

I keep wondering these days, if I've hit my peak already.  Have I already run the fastest I'll ever run? Has my mind already been the sharpest it'll ever be? I've always had a very strong memory and I still do have a remarkable propensity for remembering the tiniest facts. But lately I find sometimes I have trouble remembering a name or specific word.  It's right there on the edge of memory and I can't seem to retrieve it. That worries me. Developing Alzheimer's/dementia is my biggest fear about growing older. I've always lived a life of the mind and to lose that would be devastating.

I don't know that I want this to be the halfway point in my life.  I'm at peace with my life being more than halfway over. I'm not sure living to 100 is all that great. My 106 year old grandmother certainly doesn't think so. If I'm in excellent health and everyone I love is also a centenarian then maybe.  

Life is short. Live it well.

The One Year Bible: Obscuration?

The W.O.B astride the Beast

Some times reading John's fantastical coda to the Bible, I wondered if the name Revelation was meant to be ironic. Because without a doubt, it has to be one of the most confusing books of the Bible.  The beasts, the creatures, the numerology (from 666 to the reoccurrence of the number seven), the whore and the woman in white.  It's a lot, folks.  The Revelation of Jesus Christ seems raise more questions than it does reveal answers.

Yet many believers claim to have unlocked the mysteries of Revelation, not least among them the Seventh-day Adventist Church.

Revelation has always been deeply important to our church.  The Three Angels message of Revelation 14 is baked into our identity, not least because Adventist theology teaches that the messages of the three angels are our unique task to deliver (see this summary written by the current president of the Seventh-day Adventist Church).  Essentially, the three angels are the Seventh-day Adventist church.  Our reason for being is tied up neatly in those three clarion calls from heaven:  First, fear God and give Him glory, for the hour of His judgement has come. Worship Him who made heaven and earth.  That's the investigative judgement (which unbeknownst to most people including many Adventists is understood to be ongoing right now. . .and could end at any moment.  There's a whole blog post to be written on this hoary old doctrine) and the seventh-day Sabbath--both distinctive Adventist doctrines. Babylon is fallen, the second message is a reminder that the rest of Christianity has been corrupted by doctrines rooted in Catholicism.  And the third and final message, a warning that anyone who worships the beast and his image will experience the full force of God's wrath and eternal punishment.  Everything fits perfectly and it's kind of amazing to be essential to Bible prophecy. 

Of course, Adventists don't have a monopoly on interpretations of Revelation.  Other denominations have their own reads on the Apocalypse--their own ideas of who are the 144,000, when will/did the seven last plagues occur, who is/was the beast, the woman, the dragon. There are four major approaches to interpreting Revelation (click here for an excellent summary of these different interpretations. Adventist theology falls squarely in the historicist camp).

I don't feel qualified to vindicate or critique the Adventist teachings on Revelation. I tend to be a bit arrogant, I fear when it comes to spiritual things. Not so much in being certain of what the Bible says, but more in being certain that other people--people who have spent years in careful study--don't really know what they're talking about.  Before I can truly dismiss any Revelation teaching, I'd have to, at the very least, do the work of diving in deep myself.  Yet, I also don't know that it's wise to just take the word of the nearest Bible scholar, assuming surely they must have gotten it right.  

So where does that leave me?  Probably not anywhere that would please the hard-liners in my church since it's going to sound rather Idealist.  But it's the only place I can, in good conscience, be right now.

As I read through the book I found bits and pieces that I thought I kind of got, but nothing really came together in a cohesive whole until the final chapter or so. For me Revelation works when I take a step back from trying parse out the exact meaning of all those symbols and look at the big picture.  

Much is obscured to me in Revelation, but this is clear: Hope of death's destruction, the triumph of love, and the end of evil.  The how is not as important as the promise that it will happen.

We have this hope, and long for this day.  Even, so come Lord Jesus. (Interesting side note: As I was looking for an image to close out this entry, representing the Second Coming, I came upon this picture on a Catholic website.  The article is talking about the End Times, and what's fascinating is how familiar much of it sounds! I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't know Catholics even believed in a literal second coming.)