A Reflection on Sudden Death
In the end, I suspect that all of our struggles with God, our engagement with faith and religious matters, boil down to death. Our fear of it, and our resistance to it. It is the awareness of our own mortality and our wish for eternity that drives it all. In one way our another all religions and beliefs are wrestling with this ultimate human conundrum. We don't want to die. And we especially don't want the people we love to die.
The story of the prophet Ezekiel's wife is not gory or violent. There are no thunderbolts or fire from heaven. It's a quiet, short account, one of Ezekiel's many real-life parables that are the hallmark of his prophetic style. And yet I have found it one of the most difficult stories in the Bible to accept.
Here it is, Ezekiel 24:15-25:
15Then this message came to me from the Lord: 16“Son of man, with one blow I will take away your dearest treasure. Yet you must not show any sorrow at her death. Do not weep; let there be no tears. 17Groan silently, but let there be no wailing at her grave. Do not uncover your head or take off your sandals. Do not perform the usual rituals of mourning or accept any food brought to you by consoling friends.”
18So I proclaimed this to the people the next morning, and in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did everything I had been told to do. 19Then the people asked, “What does all this mean? What are you trying to tell us?”
20So I said to them, “A message came to me from the Lord, 21and I was told to give this message to the people of Israel. This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will defile my Temple, the source of your security and pride, the place your heart delights in. Your sons and daughters whom you left behind in Judah will be slaughtered by the sword. 22Then you will do as Ezekiel has done. You will not mourn in public or console yourselves by eating the food brought by friends. 23Your heads will remain covered, and your sandals will not be taken off. You will not mourn or weep, but you will waste away because of your sins. You will groan among yourselves for all the evil you have done. 24Ezekiel is an example for you; you will do just as he has done. And when that time comes, you will know that I am the Sovereign Lord.”
25Then the Lord said to me, “Son of man, on the day I take away their stronghold—their joy and glory, their heart’s desire, their dearest treasure—I will also take away their sons and daughters."
"And in the evening my wife died." He says it so tersely, so matter fact. And it hits you like a blow to the gut. It feels like. . .well it feels like sudden death. It's pretty harsh, isn't it.
God took away Ezekiel's wife and then didn't allow him to properly mourn her. All to send a message, to make a point to the people of Israel. To paraphrase Jesus's disciples: "This is a hard story, who can accept it?"
I wasn't really interested in the usual Christian apologetics--trying to somehow justify God's actions here. I find the argument "Well, He's God so whatever he does is good" to be particularly useless. While technically true, if God can behave in any way He wants and it automatically becomes good, it makes any arguments about moral behavior moot. While we are held to an exacting standard of moral accountability, God can move the goal posts as He sees fit and we should not make a peep, because "His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than I thoughts."
To paraphrase Bono: "The God I believe in isn't like that, Mister!"
So what to make of this awful story? After giving it a lot of thought in prayer, this is where I'm at:
If I believe in a good God (and I do), there has to be more to this story that we're just not told. There's a lot that goes unsaid, and what we assume about that missing context says a lot about what we believe about the character of God. Unfortunately, for me--and I suspect many other believers, there's a tendency to assume the worst of God, because deep in our hearts we view Him not with love and trust, but with wariness and fear. For example, we assume that God "killed" Ezekiel's wife as a means of delivering His latest prophetic message.
But isn't it possible that Ezekiel's wife wasn't killed by God, at least any more than anyone else who dies is killed by God? It's true that God can always stop death and thus in a way is responsible for it, thus God's statement "With one blow, I will take away your dearest treasure." But it's possible that Ezekiel's wife had been ill, and God was simply letting Ezekiel know that she wasn't going to make it. Or she might have been totally healthy, but a brain aneurism or freak accident was going to take her out. Sudden death is a tragic part of life. None of us are immune from it. And we all have a hard time accepting it. We are all praying for one more heartbeat. We all know death cannot be avoided--we just keep hoping for a delay. Ezekiel's wife's death seems to be "different" but it's not.
Really, the only thing that makes this death stand out from mere ordinary tragedy is that God told Ezekiel it was coming. And while God telling Ezekiel his wife was going to die in advance seems cold, it's a mercy I would have given anything to have with the people in my life that have died without warning. One day of advance notice? Over the phone call that brings you to your knees? I'll take it!
The more I think about it, the more I find the most challenging part of the story is not Ezekiel's wife's death but his not being allowed to mourn her. That prohibition seems particularly cruel, especially in a culture where the rituals of grief were so important (in our Western culture a stoic response to grief is considered "strong" and the person who doesn't cry and just gets on with life is seen as "handling it pretty well"). But I also think that the lack of public grieving was the message--not the death itself. It was Ezekiel's lack of mourning that drew the the attention of the people. "What does all this mean?" they asked as they observed Ezekiel, dry-eyed, with a stiff upper lip that would make any Englishman proud, burying his dear wife. "What are you trying to tell us?" Had Ezekiel grieved as was the normal custom, there would have been no message to give. This, not the death, was the Big Ask God made of His prophet. And Ezekiel, having committed himself fully to the work of delivering God's message no matter the cost, was willing to make that sacrifice.
And I'm sure that night, after everyone had gone home, that Ezekiel wailed into his pillow, while the God of the universe rubbed his back.
I still think this is the worst story in the Bible, but I don't think the worst of God anymore when I read it.
"Oh, sometimes the good die youngIt's sad but trueAnd while we pray for one more heartbeatThe real comfort is with You"
--Wayne Watson, "Home Free"
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