I was supposed to have been done blogging by 9:00 P.M. and been asleep by this time.
Undoubtedly it will be 11 by the time I go to bed, if not later (and that's assuming that I decide not to finish this blog tonight) and as a result I will likely wake up later than I had originally planned tomorrow, still exhausted, and likely be late for Sabbath School as well.
This is my life. Forever behind, forever rushing to catch up and forever failing to do so. I live in a perpetual state of tardiness. Whether it's work or leisure, bedtime or time to get up, paying the bills, getting to the bank, making a flight, arriving at the movies, or finishing chores, I am late.
I do not enjoy this. In fact, I can't stand it. Yet no matter what I try to do, I can't seem to beat it. One late arrival invariably leads to a string of further tardy appearances that can literally stretch on for days.
Perhaps part of the problem is that I haven't been bored since 1994. My life is full to overflowing. Which is a blessing, I know. But most of the time, there is so much to do that I can't keep up. Against my better judgment I constantly double and triple book myself, foolishly hoping that I'll finally be able to get it all done. I also tend to believe that I can do more than I can in a certain space of time, despite all evidence to the contrary (for example, believing that I could compose and post not one but three new entries in the space of an hour to hour and a half). Another issue is that I rarely have leisure time, and so will often take it when I shouldn't, just because I can't bear the thought of going straight from 16 hours of work to eight hours of sleep.
Something needs to change. I don't know what. I'm not sure how to go about it. I'd reflect on it more now, but as it stands, I've got to run. Yep, you guessed it. . .
I began this post two weeks ago.
I added a lengthy example last weekend of how five minutes late here and ten minutes late there can snowball into an avalanche of lateness that can alter the trajectory not just an entire day, but an entire week. I apparently never saved that addition because when I opened up the file this evening all I had was the material from two weeks ago. I just don’t have the energy to rewrite that rather disheartening vignette. And besides to do so, would send me to bed late yet again and I really am trying to break the cycle of tardiness in my life.
This week past week has been better, though not yet ideal. I actually made it to work on time for the past two days running. I’ve been rising earlier (though not necessarily going to bed as early as I’d like). I’m learning a few keys to moving from running late to being right on time. I’ve determined not to do any work after 8:00 P.M. in the evening, even if it means leaving crucial things undone. This reduces the likelihood of me staying up late just to be able to feel like I unwound before bedtime. I’m also making it a point to never get up later than 6:00 A.M., regardless of how late I go to bed. This decision is helping with another key to timeliness—seeking God first. I’ve been able to have more regular devotions this week and having begun with my day with God gives me an added sense of peace throughout the day. As part of the devotional time I’m making a practice of asking God to “order my day” and help me do the things that really matter, and not stress over the rest.
I’m not there yet, but in the struggle to get a handle on this hectic life here in America, I know I’ll get there, sooner or. . .later.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom"