The Quarter Century Mark: Our First 25 Years

 

Twenty Five Years Ago today, Sunday, July 27, 1997

Our ten year anniversary, July 27, 2007

Our twenty year anniversary, July 27, 2017

It's been twenty five years since we said "I do" and Babs and I are still doing this thing called life together.

Our first ten years--1997 to 2007-- together were commemorated in this post.

Our next ten years-2008 to 2017--can be found here.

It's only been five years since our last marriage milestone, but I decided to not to wait until 30 years in to recap our journey. Twenty five is a big deal--a quarter of a century!

Year 21 & 22: A Home of Our Own

Our 21st year of marriage, 2017-2018, was one of momentous change for our family and a major new first. We bought our first home!  Sure lots of folks had probably paid two thirds of their mortgage in the time it took us to start out on ours. but better late than never right?  We closed on our home exactly one week before our twenty first wedding anniversary.  

Our family in front our old apartment  in 2018 about a month before our 21st anniversary

Year 22 was all about settling into our new home. Barbara and I had been all around the world together, but now were embracing that American Dream ideal--owning our own home.  Our evenings and weekends were full of "house projects" and lawn care.  The headaches and expenses of home ownership were more than made up for by seeing our children play in the spacious backyard and taking pleasure in the many beautiful spaces inside and outside our home.  In the summer of 2019 we were pleased to host my mom, siblings, and nephews for their first visit to Ohio.

Year 23: Pandemic Partnership

It can seem like time ceases to pass as one year cycles into another--as if we are living in a comforting and familiar loop. But that illusion was shattered in our 23rd year of marriage with the arrival of the COVD-19 pandemic. On March 12, 2020 life was we knew it was radically altered. We went home from school, not to return. Like the rest of the world, we entered into isolation--days turning into weeks and then into months of the four of us hunkered down in our home, trying to wait out the viral storm.  It was a tough time. It wasn't that we clashed so much--but for whatever reason during year 23, I often felt distant from Babs even though we were often in close physical quarters.  Still, we managed to keep our partnership solid, even in the midst of the pandemic.

A few weeks after our 23rd anniversary, on August 13, 2020, Barbara celebrated her fiftieth birthday

Year 24: Refuge

For much of our twenty-fourth year, Babs was a a source of comfort and care as I dealt with the sudden death of my friend Chandra. In many ways, I never felt closer to Babs than I did during my time of grief.  Some of my post precious memories from this sad time, are of the ways in which Babs provided refuge and understanding. I will be forever grateful for that.

Halfway through our 24th year, in February of 2021, we headed up to Michigan to recreate my favorite photo from our dating years, about 25 years after the photo was taken.

Year 25: Enduring Love

And now here we are at year 25. Ours has proven to be a love that endures, and I'm so grateful. For the past year we've tackled the challenges of raising a teenager, navigating a post pandemic work world, working through grief, and committing to continued growth as a couple. It's a lot but our marriage has "good bones"--a foundation of deep friendship that remains constant through all the highs and lows.  We were walking on the beach last weekend when a couple in front of us overheard us talking and asked where we were from.  It turned out that they were also from Columbus, Ohio!  When I mentioned that we were celebrating our 25th anniversary they asked us what the secret was to an enduring marriage. We thought for a moment and then told them that it boiled down to two things--a fundamental mutual respect for each other and a willingness and ability to communicate honestly.

Life is hard. There's no way around that. And there's no guarantee that sharing life with another person will make it any easier.  But in our case, doing life together has been a huge blessing and has brought so much joy to our journey. We don't know what the next twenty-five years will hold, but we know that we will hold each other through whatever joys and sorrows lie ahead.

* * * *

"I'd go anywhere with you
I know you feel the same thing that I do"

                                             --Mat Kearney, "Anywhere With You"

One thing that really surprised me is that in the last five years of our marriage: we stopped celebrating our anniversaries.  During the first decade we splurged on romantic getaways to La Jolla, Huntington Beach, and Hawaii. In the second decade, the celebrations were humbler affairs--maybe just a nice dinner out, or perhaps a night or two at a fancy hotel in Cincinnati.  But in the last five years, the anniversary celebration seems to have withered to nothing.  There's no record of any type of celebration in the last four years.  And in 2021, I wasn't with my wife at all on our anniversary (I was in Alaska)!

So this year, it was time to get back on the romance track and make up for those lost years. 

We knew we'd be in Florida the week before our anniversary and we opted for an early celebration so my mom could watch the kids while we were away.  We had decided earlier in the year that we would surprise ourselves. We could go anywhere and we knew we'd have a great time as long as we were together, just like the song says.  We'd pick a destination at the last minute--it just needed to be a cheap, non-stop ticket to somewhere we'd never been before.  With those parameters, on Friday morning, July 15 we spent a couple of hours scouring the internet and settled on Miami Beach as our destination.

On Friday, July 22, we took the short flight from Orlando to Miami, arriving around 10:00 AM.  Our room at the Hilton Bentley Miami Beach/ South Beach wasn't ready when we arrived but we were able to have a nice brunch by the pool and hash out a plan for the weekend.  By 1:30 our room was ready and we headed up to our romantic digs.  Like any long-time married couple finally free of the kids, we immediately hopped into bed and. . .fell fast asleep!   That nap was delicious, let me tell you.  At this stage in our lives uninterrupted sleep is a luxury to be treasured.   After whiling away the afternoon in glorious slumber, we finally roused ourselves for a walk on the beach before setting off to explore South Beach on foot. Barbara ended up indulging in a pedicure and we went to Publix for snacks and drinks.  Then it was back to our hotel for a late dinner to round out the day.

The Sabbath was truly restful.  We slept late, and then spent most of the day on the beach.  We shifted back to the hotel pool in the late afternoon, and had dinner poolside cracking ourselves up as we people-watched. 

Sunday morning we got up a little earlier and walked on the beach for a bit, ending up at Starbucks for morning coffee and sandwiches.  Then it was back to the hotel to soak up the last of our room before checkout.  We spent a good chunk of Sunday out sightseeing and shopping in Miami Beach's famous Art Deco district.  We closed out the day with some more time at the hotel pool.  We showered and dressed at the hotel gym, and by 7:30 PM were in our Uber on our way to the airport for our flight back to Orlando.

It was a perfect weekend away.  It was wonderful to have no responsibilities, no schedule, nothing to do but be together in a beautiful and luxurious setting. It echoed our honeymoon in so many ways (including frantic shopping right at the end!)  This time of closeness, relaxation, and intimacy was much needed and both Babs and I resolved that we shouldn't allow future anniversaries to go neglected in the years to come.

A Day on the Dig

The view from the sift pile. It's peaceful work. Sometimes I'll put in my headphones and listen to music while I sift since I'm usually there alone. The playlist I had intended to listen to for the trip never downloaded properly (data is too spotty for regular streaming) but I had an older, smaller playlist of about 60 songs from my trip to Texas last November that was still on my phone. So that ended up being the only music I listened to this whole trip.  A lot of nostalgic tunes from years long gone by attached to some special memories. It was nice.

 I've been here in Jordan for just over two weeks.  My days settled into a fairly predictable and peaceful routine.  I get up around 5 AM, do my Bible reading and try to knock out Wordle for the day. Breakfast is at 5:30 AM.  It's the exact same tasty spread every day and so far I haven't gotten tired of it.  I always have two falafels, some chicken sausages, zaatar bread, olives, and a pita sandwich with hummus, tomatoes, cucumbers, and cold cuts--all washed down with a glass of orange drink.  I then follow that up with a pancake or two topped with preserves and a cup of tea, which I usually have to gulp down because the bus arrives at 6:00 AM sharp.

This is our breakfast spread every morning at the Salome Hotel. It's always the same every day but there are enough options that you can mix it up for variety

The tea station

The drive out Tall Hisban is about 20 minutes. Once we arrive we pile off the bus and grab a tool from the trunk of Dr. Bob Bate's car.  Dr. Bates is the chief archaeologist for the dig this season.  He arrives at the dig site early to take photos and prepare for the day.   We carry the surveying equipment and other tools up the tall to their designated spots.  Then we go to our squares where we will receive instructions from our square supervisor and field supervisor. There are three "fields" on this season's dig:  Field T, Field C and Field M.  Field M and C have two squares each (although only one of the squares is currently being excavated in Field C) and Field T has one square.  I work in Field T. My field supervisor is Liz, a graduate archaeology student with seven years of dig experience under her belt. My square supervisor is Colton, a  senior at Andrews University. Both are great to work for.  Also on our team is Farah, a Jordanian university student, Christen, a sophomore from Andrews U, and two local Jordanian workers, Blaal and Ahmad.

The Great Leader (Field Supervisor Liz on left) and Dear Leader (Square Supervisor Colton on right) as I jokingly call them

Left to Right, Stacie Hatfield observes as Liz listens to instructions for the day from Dr. Bates

Jordanian university student Farah carrying the surveying equipment

Andrews University student Christen

Our work basically consists of excavating or sifting.  We'll have one or two people down on the sifts, two or three people excavating the square, and the workers ferrying the dirt-filled gufftan  (that's the plural of guffah)  from the square to the sifts (thought they will occasionally excavate or sift as well).  We tend to trade off jobs every hour or two so that no one gets too tired. 

Sifters at the sift pile waiting for more gufftan of dirt to be brought over for sifting. You can see an overturned guffah on the ground in front of the wheelbarrow in the foreground

The other task we have is the pottery washing and reading.  Pottery reading is done by the square supervisor under the guidance of Dr. Bates.  They sort through the pottery, categorizing and cataloging everything that is found.  But before the pottery can be "read", it needs to be washed. Washing is basically exactly what it sounds like.  The pottery collected during sifting from the a day or two previous is stored in buckets, filled with water.  Our job is to clean each piece of pottery in preparing for reading.  We basically scrub each pottery piece with either a wet bristle brush or a toothbrush removing as much dirt and grime as possible. 

Thanks to "hand models" Dr. Stacie Hatfield and Isabel Srour

In my opinion, it is the most arduous task in the field.  I've washed pottery four times over the course of the dig.  The first day I did it, it was rough.  My back was so sore I could barely stand when I was done, and my hands started hurting early into the process from the scrubbing and gripping.  Since then I  have stopped sitting in a chair to wash pottery.   Instead, sit on a low wood stump or cinderblock with pottery bucket almost even with me so I don't have to lean over the whole time. I also take care to vary my hand positions as I clean so  that I don't put too much strain on my hands. It's still not my favorite task, but it's bearable now.

There is one other thing that made that first round of pottery washing arduous.  When we were working the sifts we were instructed to save only pottery sherds that were larger than Dr. Bate's thumb.  Well, I was so worried about throwing away something of value that I tended to use my own (considerably smaller) thumb as a guide and tended to err on the conservative side when it came to ballparking the "thumb size."  As a result, when it came time to the wash the pottery--much of which I had likely sifted--I was bedeviled by a seemingly bottomless bucket of tiny pieces of pottery. By the time I finally got to the bottom of the bucket I was seething.  I swore then and there to become a new man on the sifter, ruthless in dispensing any pottery sherd that I would later hate if I had to wash it. And that benefited not just me but everyone up the line--the square supervisors and Dr. Bates reading the pottery.  Nobody wants to deal with a bunch of tiny, essentially useless body sherds.   A small diagnostic piece could be valuable (any sherds with distinguishing characteristics--a rim or base, a handle, designs or glaze, or engraving) but beyond that the little sherds needed to be left in the sift to be discarded.

Washed pottery goes here.  Body sherds and tesserae go in the main basket. Diagnostic pieces go in the mesh bag. All pieces will be "read"--counted, inventoried and recorded--later by Dr. Bates and the square supervisor

A nice diagnostic piece

Pottery washing starts after breakfast and can take all of the rest of the morning.  If you finish early you go back to your square to work for a bit before lunch.

We wrap up our work on the squares around 12:30 PM and then take a short bus ride over to the local women's center.  The ladies there prepare us a delicious lunch and then we take the bus back to our hotel in Madaba.

Dr. Labianca holds forth before lunch is served.  Some of us ate inside in the dining area, while others of us preferred to eat out here in the courtyard.

The first thing I do when I get back is take a shower.  Then I might read for a bit, maybe nap. Both Mondays I did laundry--which is done by hand in a bucket.  I might walk to the store, do some souvenir shopping, or write in my journal or on my blog before supper, which is provided by the hotel at 6 PM.  I often spend the evenings in a leisurely fashion, chatting with team members out on the hotel's lovely outdoor patio area until the sun goes down. I turn in early most nights, after maybe talking with Barbara on the phone via WhatsApp.  I might read a few pages of my book before turning out the lights.  My goal is to be in bed before 10 PM.

This is life in on the dig in Jordan, and it's not bad!